My Alcoholic Ego, or How I Finally Stopped Gaslighting Myself

In which I run a desperate experiment to get alcohol out of my life forever, complete with screaming monkeys, seductive whispers, and oddly joyful moments, all while I think I might just die. Continue reading My Alcoholic Ego, or How I Finally Stopped Gaslighting Myself

The loves of my life.

Finally, I decided to relax. I didn’t know what else to do. Trying harder is always my go-to move when I’m fucking something up. I’m pretty sure I was a big, strong man in my last life/lives, so when I get in trouble I rely on muscle to power me through. Unfortunately, in this life, I’ve apparently chosen to be a dainty-framed woman who weighs 127 pounds soaking wet. Continue reading The loves of my life.

Solo Camping on the Mighty Androscoggin

Eventually, realizing I’d be swimming back against the river’s gentle but discernible current, I reluctantly turned around and swam underneath for a lungful’s worth of time. I re-emerged into the deepening sunset to see a loon watching me closely, about 6 feet away. I started treading water, and we regarded each other for a minute or so. Continue reading Solo Camping on the Mighty Androscoggin

She asked what I do for fun, and I had no idea.

While writing this piece off and on for 3 days now over a hideously hot and humid New England weekend, I’ve vacillated wildly on whether to post it or not. I mean, it’s very personal. But by the same token, as part of my own Human Being Training… Continue reading She asked what I do for fun, and I had no idea.

Death Metal, Sorting Things, and Living with my Parents

I took a terrific toddler photo that day of my bitsy, surprised-looking two-year-old son surrounded by booze bottles, which somehow he’d managed to get out of the locked cabinet. I’d been distracted by a phone call with my MLM team partners. Long story for another time. Continue reading Death Metal, Sorting Things, and Living with my Parents

Starting Over

I find myself feeling greatly irritated today. Everyone’s annoying me–particularly myself. Almost 9 months to the day, I just left a job where I’d gotten quite comfortable. As one of two supplements people at a nice health food store in Portland, Maine, I had a growing following among the locals and was known as the “supplements guru.” But here I am leaving the comfy little space I created for myself back in September. Why? Continue reading Starting Over